This morning,it is rain again.
It seems that the weather in our area are uncertain. Sometimes it rains accompanied by strong winds and thunder.
Confused to do something, my oldest son not going to school because of fever, while my youngest son, also join his brother because of the rain and cold weather.
As soon as they relaxed, so i can take this change to write this posts . Perhaps I did not make a post for a week . This time i do not have a good idea to written. And I try to looking for fresh idea in google writing.
But finally,i have decide to write everything that i am thingking of.
Be a good people
To be agood people is not easy, but it is not difficult
And It is start from good intentions. If the intention is good and then start learning to be a good person. Starting it from small things, such as learning to share. share is not necessarily with money, but it could also by giving help with your power, or simply by sharing a smile.Then after that, try to hone your sensitivity and awareness. Stay away from the nature of anger, envy, and envy. Be individual patient.
Do not be like a thorn is always hurt and feared. but be something that is always in love, be loved and awaited.
Keep in mind that this world is only temporary, someday you should be taken away from this life to the other life, without bringing anything.
make the best to be something that is meaningful for this life. Until the end of life later.
We must know that we are not created in vain. Therefore, you not only eat, drink and fun themselves, but also you have to pay attention to those around you who need a smile, advice, enlightenment, education, good morals, good behavior and charity. In addition to what we try to ourselves, there are other things we need to do for the community, and if we do not comply, it means that we are stingy in giving what we have to others.
I hope this advice is useful for myself and all of us, and can make us a better person. Do not look from anyone who gives advice, but pose your wisdom of that advice.
How to Become a Better PersonMethod 3: Start to Rep Cultivating Compassion Make the Right ChoiceLife is a process to learn how to improve yourself is ongoing. While
there are those who continue to try to make himself more educated or
get a promotion at work, sometimes we forget to improve the way we treat
ourselves and others around us. In his haste to succeed, the idea of want to be a better person eventually disappear into ambition and egoism. You can begin to learn how to improve themselves and improve the ability to love themselves and others by reading this article.
Accept this as a process. "Being a better person" is a process that you will live a lifetime. In this process, there is never a term that you've been successful and there is no chance to develop. Your willingness to open up during the process of change and growth will improve your flexibility. Flexibility is an important factor that you can consistently form themselves into someone that you want in any situation.[1] Accept the fact that the objectives and values in your life could change with the passage of time. Changes can also happen if there is a problem and this is not unusual.[2] Specify the values you believe in. Even the best intentions can never be achieved, unless you understand well the values you believe in.[3] "Value" is what is most important in your life. Values are fundamental beliefs that shape you as a person and how you live your life.[4] With reflection, you can determine what is really important to you.
For example, "being a good parent" or "spend time with friends" can be a value. You can recognize the feeling of being the best based on those values.
"In line with the value" indicates the degree to which your behavior according to your values. For example, if your value is "spending time with my friends", but you always put to work rather than socializing, this is not alignment with values. Behavior that is not in harmony with the values could lead to disappointment, unhappiness, or guilt.[5] Test what your beliefs about yourself. Our identity is determined also by the people around us.[6] For example, several studies in the field of psychology has often indicates that someone has started prejudiced at a very early age.[7] The behavior and belief that this study will affect the way we see ourselves and others around us. By knowing where it comes from your idea of yourself, you can change the beliefs that are not useful and choose the correct belief.
We also learn how to assess themselves from others when we are in a larger group, such as those based on race or gender specific. This can be an important factor that determines our identity.[8] Recognize your behavior thoroughly honest. Try to remember again how you react when under stress, the face of loss, anger, treat loved ones. Try to recognize your current behavior so that you can determine how to develop themselves.
After some reflection on your behavior, of course, you can specify exactly what changes you have to do.
Decide specifically what you should change. Instead of saying, "I want to be a better friend", divide into several small plans. What does it mean? Do you want to meet more often with other people? Do you want to make more time to get together with friends?
Steve Jobs, an inventor and entrepreneur, has said that he has always put this question to himself every morning: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I got to do today?" If he can not answer "yes", he would make changes. This question will be helpful as well if you ask yourself.[9] Make notion of change that makes sense. For example, if you are an introvert person, may not be appropriate or no alignment value if you want to "be a better person" by way of "going to the party". Instead, change your idea to make changes that could be a desire to achieve and in harmony with oneself, for example with: "Practicing say hello to people I do not know".
Define goals for yourself. Write down your goals on a piece of paper or it will be better if you could begin to keep a journal. This way, you will be easier to do introspection and know yourself better from an objective viewpoint.[10] Writing journals must be reflective activities are carried out actively. Will not be of much use if you're just writing random thoughts. Instead, write about the problems you've experienced, what you feel at that time, how you react, how you feel afterwards, and what other way you want to do.[11] Try asking these questions to get started: Is there a certain relationship you want to fix to your loved ones? Do you want to be more generous? Do you want to contribute to the environment? Do you want to learn to be a husband / wife or a better lover?
Formulate a positive goal. Research has shown that you will be more easily achieved if the goal of your objectives formulated a "positive" (what you want to do) rather than negatively (what you do not want to do).[12] The formulation of goals that will lead to a negative attitude to judge yourself or feeling guilty during the process of achievement. Think of your goal as a thing you want to strive for, rather than avoid.
For example, if you want to be more grateful, formulate this desire positively: "I would be grateful to those who have done good to me". Do not set goals as assessment of the behavior in the past, for example, "I will not be ungrateful".
Look for role models. Role models can be a good source of inspiration and stories of their experiences can give us strength at this difficult time. You can choose the clergy, politicians, artists, or people close to you admire.
Normally it would be better if we choose the people we know as role models. You can make up a misconception if emulate the behavior of someone you do not know. Additionally, you will look at yourself in the wrong way. However, the religious leaders also though nothing really is free from errors. [13]
Role models should not be a person who can change the world. Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa is a very inspiring figure, but not only those whose behavior is inappropriate we can learn from. Through small daily occurrences, often times there are people whose behavior and way of thinking we deserve emulate. For example, if your coworker who always looks happy, ask why. Also ask what he thinks about his life and what he used to do. Perhaps you will be surprised because of the many things you can learn by asking.
Not to say that you can not find inspiration through stories about other people's experiences, but try to find someone whose life story can you connect with your own experience, especially if there are many people that you can make role models.
Neil deGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist famous scientist, opposed the traditional view of what makes a role model as someone that you desire. Instead, he suggested that you find out what has been done by these role models so that he can achieve what you desire. What books he read? Habits what he did? How could he be in the position you want? With these questions and seek answers, you can define its own way, instead of just plagiarizing others way.[14] Love yourself. You have to learn to love yourself before you are able to love others. Love to yourself does not mean selfish vain, but the love that makes you able to accept ourselves as we are. Love grows from within ourselves to develop all of the skills and values that really can shape you into the real you. Remind yourself that you are a good person loving and most of all, you are very precious. By being wise and good, you will be better able to accept and understand ourselves.
Try to record all your experience to put yourself in the position of a friend who is very compassionate and understanding, rather than from your own perspective. Several studies have shown that by taking the distance, you can process negative emotions, rather than ignore or suppress it. The ability to admit the feeling is an important aspect in love yourself. Often times, we behave much better to others than to ourselves. Accept yourself as you are accepting of others.[15] Let yourself experience a brief moment to love yourself throughout the day, especially when you have an unpleasant incident. For example, if you are too late to complete the task in the office, perhaps you will begin to assess themselves or face the panic attacks. Try to calm your mind so that you can be aware of the condition of the stress you are experiencing: "I was stressed at this time". After that, realize that everyone could experience this all the time: "It's not just me having this problem". Lastly, given a touch of loving yourself, for example by putting your hand on the chest saying positive things to yourself: "I can learn to be personally powerful. I could learn to be patient. I could learn to accept yourself ".[16] Do not criticize yourself. Try to appreciate the talent and the best of your ability, both physically and mentally. If you are always hostile to yourself, you will also be hostile to others.[17] Start record when you think negatively about yourself. Write down what the situation at the time, what you think, and what the result of your thoughts.
For example, at first you might start to make a note that read: "Did I go to the gym. Apparently, a lot of people slim down there and I started to feel fat. I was angry with myself and it felt so ashamed. Finally, I went home even though unfinished exercise ".
Next time, try to respond rationally to these thoughts. Initially it may be difficult, but you can change the way of thinking if you continue to resist mind saying negative things about themselves by thinking logically based on the facts correct.
For example, a rational response on that situation, for example: "I went to the gym to maintain health and my body shape. These actions good and I care about myself. Why should I be ashamed care about yourself? Body shape of each person is different and my figure is not the same with others. People who looks incredibly fit may have been training longer than me. They may also have good genes. If other people judge based on appearance, whether I have to respect their opinion? Or, I should appreciate the people who supported and encouraged me to care for myself? "[18] The habit of self-criticism usually appears in the form of "should", eg "I should have a luxury car" or "I should wear a certain size". We can not be happy and will feel embarrassed if always comparing myself to use other people's standards. Decide what you want for yourself and deny what other people are saying about "should" you.[19] Get to know your routine. Sometimes, we feel complacent with ourselves and our lives. A monotonous routine will only entangle us in a reactive behavior patterns or avoidance. Without you knowing it, appears habits and good behavior.[20] For example, if you feel offended by someone, maybe you will create a boundary to keep a distance from these people. These limits will protect you from being hurt again, but more importantly, you can not feel happiness and relationships with others.
By searching for a new routine, for example by participating in social activities or looking for new friends, you can find capabilities that have not been aware of. Additionally, you can also build relationships with others and discover new things about your emotions.[21] Looking for a way to eliminate bad habits will also direct you so that it can meet the people who were able to change your perspective on life. Research has shown that negative behavior, such as prejudice or fear, often arise because of the influence of the culture or the views of others.[22] In the end, you will know that you can learn from others and others can learn from you.
Try to control anger or envy. These emotions are a natural part of everyday life, but it is hard to feel happy if always angry or envious of others. You have to accept the behavior and wishes of others if it is to cultivate love for yourself and become the person you want.
Anger usually arises because we regard a thing should not happen to us, or if things were not going according to our wishes. You can deal with anger by developing the ability to appreciate that what you want does not always work the way you expect.[23] Direct your attention on the things you can not control and do not worry too much on what you can control. Remember that you can control your actions, not the result. You can feel more relaxed and not easily upset if things do not go well (which at times can happen) with a focus on action rather than trying to control as a result of which you can not control.[24] To forgive others. The ability to forgive others would be beneficial for physical health. Habits grudges and remembering past mistakes can raise blood pressure and accelerate the heart beats, while the ability to forgive can relieve stress.[25] Apart from the benefits, forgiving others may merupakah the hardest thing to do in our daily lives.[26] Think of the mistakes you want to forgive. Consider the thoughts that appear on the error. What are your feelings toward those who do wrong? What your body feel?
Reflecting on this experience through the eyes of learning. Do you get to choose a different way at the time? Are there other ways that can be done by this person? Are you able to learn from this experience? Your ability to transform painful experiences into a learning will help you relieve the pain.
Talk to this person. Do not blame others because he will feel attacked. Instead, use I statements to express your feelings and ask her to tell his feelings to you.[28] Respect peace over justice. One of the reasons that make it difficult to forgive is because of a sense of justice. The person who wronged you may never experience the consequences of his actions, but you yourself will lose if it continues to harbor anger and hurt. Forgiveness should not be dependent for some reason or specific results.[29] Remember that forgiveness is not free a person from the error. Error has occurred and you do not justify wrongdoing because forgiving. What you do is to take a load off because they do not want to save the anger in my heart.
Say thank you. Thanking is not just a feeling, but it requires an action. Habits are grateful will make you a more positive, happier, and healthier.[30] The attitude of grateful has been proven to help people cope with trauma, strengthen their relationships, and give love to others.[31] [32] [33]
Keep a journal to thank. Record the event that makes you want to thank. Perhaps through the small things, like a sunny morning or a cup of hot coffee. You could also grateful for the things that can not be measured, such as loved by a partner or friendship. By paying attention to the little things and record it, you can put this experience to keep recalled at a later date.[34] Enjoy the things that surprised. Unexpected events or surprising a stronger influence than the events of the day. It could be you're having a little surprise, for example: write down when your partner help with the dishes or when you receive a text message from a friend who is already a few months does not contact you.
Share your gratitude with others. Will more easily remember the positive things if you share it with others. Sharing habits will also make other people feel happy and want to thank you.[35] Encourage empathy. Man was created to establish social relationships with others around them.[36] From an early age, we learn how to "read" other people's behavior and imitate. We do this in order to be accepted by the neighborhood, to get what we want and need, and feel connected to other people.[37] However, empathy is more than just being able to understand the behavior and feel the emotions of others. Empathy requires the ability to imagine what it is like living the life of others, to think is to think of others, and to feel what others feel.[38] By developing the ability to empathize, you will be more sensitive to the feelings of others, be able to establish relationships with others, and more sociable. In addition, you are also able to treat others as you yourself would like to be treated.
Research has proven that by practicing meditation on love or meditation in order to be able to love will stimulate specific areas of the brain responsible for emotional activity. Meditation can also help reduce stress and make you feel more stable.[39] The practice of meditation to calm the mind also give the same effect, but less useful for developing empathy.[40] Research has shown that you can increase the ability to empathize with actively imagine what is being experienced by others.[41] Reading fiction can also develop your ability to understand the perspective of others.[42] Do not directly assess if you can. Research has shown that we normally would be less able to empathize with people who we think are responsible for their suffering, such people "to experience things that it is appropriate that they receive". Remember that you do not know what living conditions they experience or their past.[43] Look for people with different backgrounds. Research has proven that you're more likely to empathize when meeting with people with different cultures or beliefs.[44] The more you meet people with a mindset and a different behavior, the less likely you'll make a judgment or make unfounded prejudice.
Focus on people, not on the scene. We tend to be less grateful for the things that are not shaped material, for example, when we feel loved or accept favors. In fact, the struggle to get more material is usually a sign that you're trying to meet the need to get things that are more meaningful. [45] [46] [47]
Research has shown that materialistic people are usually less happy than their peers.[48] They are unhappy with their lives as a whole and more often experience negative emotions such as fear and sadness.[49] Make a habit of giving to others. Not everyone is able to contribute hundreds of millions of rupiah to favorite charities, but that does not mean you can not make a small contribution to people in need. Helping others is not only beneficial for the recipient, but also useful for you. Research has shown that people who are unselfish usually happier. They also even increased endorphins, known as the hormone that gives a sense of happiness by doing good for others.[50] Volunteer. Instead of spending the weekend watching TV, try volunteering in orphanages or nursing homes nearby. By serving others, you will feel more connected to them and become part of a community, so you do not feel excluded from society.[51] Give whatever good every day. Perhaps you could give a little help with an elderly bring groceries into her car or provide directions right to the person who was driving the car. The more you do this, you will be more aware of how good it feels to help others and in the end, you can overcome the desire to be selfish.
Research has shown that the principle of "do good selflessly" really applies. The act of helping others will be transmitted from one person to another person. Small actions you do with showing kindness and generosity can inspire others to do the same. This means, there will be other people who inspired and inspire others, and so on.[52] Notice how your behavior affects others. We could spend so much time just to pay attention to our own behavior so it does not have time to notice how the effect on others. It is caused by a psychological defense mechanism that we use to interact with others.[53] If anyone respond to you in the same way, perhaps you have a good habit. There is a possibility of your development is hampered by a self-defense mechanism for this use.
For example, consider how others respond to you. Are they irritable because of your speech? There is a possibility, not because others are too sensitive, but you yourself are already building a defense mechanism to offend others so you feel better. Try using another way of communicating with others so as not to cause the same painful response.
Observe the way you interact with others. Try to find a pattern and determine which pattern is good or bad. The more you are able to be flexible and adaptive in their behavior, you will be more in tune with the people around you.[54] Develop your talents. Everyone has a skill or interest that they know well and so they prefer. If you're not talented, you may not find it. Usually you have to strive so hard to try different things to find what works best for you.
People with the same properties will usually be interested in the same activities. For example, people who love the activity of adrenaline may not be interested in joining the group knitting quiet and mostly silent, but the people who like a quiet activity might be very interested in this group. You can find what you like to determine who the people that you like as friends get together.
Remain patient. Change can not happen in an instant, but it takes effort and time. Try to stop the persistent because old habits, make new friends, or doing new activities is not easy, especially if you are very busy.
Sign up for a course that you like, practicing a musical instrument, or exercising. Not only learning new things, you can also meet people who have the same interest in learning. Try to learn new things that can bring you out of your comfort zone in a way that is safe and beneficial.
Do what you love. No matter how much money you earn, you will not feel happy if a lifetime to do something you hate. While not everyone is lucky enough to find a job according hobby, try to make time to do things that can make you happy.
You will feel happier and satisfied with doing things that are meaningful to your life. Try doing creative activities, for example in the field of art or music so that you can express your feelings and thoughts in a way that is healthy and beneficial.[55] There is a myth that people who are successful usually only focused on specific objectives. They will not let anything stand in their goals, including providing time for yourself. Unfortunately, this way of life is very unhealthy. Try not to focus too much on one aspect of your life so forget develop other aspects.[56] If you are very unhappy at work, try to find out why. If you can, make changes so that your feelings change. If you are unhappy because jobs are not prospective or not aligned with your values, try to find another job.[57] Enjoy your life. Live life to maintain a balance between work and play. Your life can not grow and it will seem monotonous if it only focused on one particular activity. Humans have the ability to adapt very quickly to the positive events. Therefore, we could experience a desensitization to the positive experience, especially if this is all we have experienced.[58] Research has shown that when we are in a comfort zone, we will not be as productive as when outside the comfort zone.[59] Try to find new experiences and interactions with others, even though it felt a bit scary so much more you can achieve.
Our desire to avoid the discomfort and would not take offense could mean rejecting flexibility. However, research has proven that with increased vulnerability, including any possible errors will occur, it is important that you get to experience everything in life.[60] Start by practicing meditation to calm the mind. One goal of meditation is to make you more aware of the repetitive thought patterns that may hinder your ability to understand and accept yourself. Look for the nearest meditation classes or look for information on meditation techniques most suitable for you.
Accept this as a process. "Being a better person" is a process that you will live a lifetime. In this process, there is never a term that you've been successful and there is no chance to develop. Your willingness to open up during the process of change and growth will improve your flexibility. Flexibility is an important factor that you can consistently form themselves into someone that you want in any situation.[1] Accept the fact that the objectives and values in your life could change with the passage of time. Changes can also happen if there is a problem and this is not unusual.[2] Specify the values you believe in. Even the best intentions can never be achieved, unless you understand well the values you believe in.[3] "Value" is what is most important in your life. Values are fundamental beliefs that shape you as a person and how you live your life.[4] With reflection, you can determine what is really important to you.
For example, "being a good parent" or "spend time with friends" can be a value. You can recognize the feeling of being the best based on those values.
"In line with the value" indicates the degree to which your behavior according to your values. For example, if your value is "spending time with my friends", but you always put to work rather than socializing, this is not alignment with values. Behavior that is not in harmony with the values could lead to disappointment, unhappiness, or guilt.[5] Test what your beliefs about yourself. Our identity is determined also by the people around us.[6] For example, several studies in the field of psychology has often indicates that someone has started prejudiced at a very early age.[7] The behavior and belief that this study will affect the way we see ourselves and others around us. By knowing where it comes from your idea of yourself, you can change the beliefs that are not useful and choose the correct belief.
We also learn how to assess themselves from others when we are in a larger group, such as those based on race or gender specific. This can be an important factor that determines our identity.[8] Recognize your behavior thoroughly honest. Try to remember again how you react when under stress, the face of loss, anger, treat loved ones. Try to recognize your current behavior so that you can determine how to develop themselves.
After some reflection on your behavior, of course, you can specify exactly what changes you have to do.
Decide specifically what you should change. Instead of saying, "I want to be a better friend", divide into several small plans. What does it mean? Do you want to meet more often with other people? Do you want to make more time to get together with friends?
Steve Jobs, an inventor and entrepreneur, has said that he has always put this question to himself every morning: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I got to do today?" If he can not answer "yes", he would make changes. This question will be helpful as well if you ask yourself.[9] Make notion of change that makes sense. For example, if you are an introvert person, may not be appropriate or no alignment value if you want to "be a better person" by way of "going to the party". Instead, change your idea to make changes that could be a desire to achieve and in harmony with oneself, for example with: "Practicing say hello to people I do not know".
Define goals for yourself. Write down your goals on a piece of paper or it will be better if you could begin to keep a journal. This way, you will be easier to do introspection and know yourself better from an objective viewpoint.[10] Writing journals must be reflective activities are carried out actively. Will not be of much use if you're just writing random thoughts. Instead, write about the problems you've experienced, what you feel at that time, how you react, how you feel afterwards, and what other way you want to do.[11] Try asking these questions to get started: Is there a certain relationship you want to fix to your loved ones? Do you want to be more generous? Do you want to contribute to the environment? Do you want to learn to be a husband / wife or a better lover?
Formulate a positive goal. Research has shown that you will be more easily achieved if the goal of your objectives formulated a "positive" (what you want to do) rather than negatively (what you do not want to do).[12] The formulation of goals that will lead to a negative attitude to judge yourself or feeling guilty during the process of achievement. Think of your goal as a thing you want to strive for, rather than avoid.
For example, if you want to be more grateful, formulate this desire positively: "I would be grateful to those who have done good to me". Do not set goals as assessment of the behavior in the past, for example, "I will not be ungrateful".
Look for role models. Role models can be a good source of inspiration and stories of their experiences can give us strength at this difficult time. You can choose the clergy, politicians, artists, or people close to you admire.
Normally it would be better if we choose the people we know as role models. You can make up a misconception if emulate the behavior of someone you do not know. Additionally, you will look at yourself in the wrong way. However, the religious leaders also though nothing really is free from errors. [13]
Role models should not be a person who can change the world. Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa is a very inspiring figure, but not only those whose behavior is inappropriate we can learn from. Through small daily occurrences, often times there are people whose behavior and way of thinking we deserve emulate. For example, if your coworker who always looks happy, ask why. Also ask what he thinks about his life and what he used to do. Perhaps you will be surprised because of the many things you can learn by asking.
Not to say that you can not find inspiration through stories about other people's experiences, but try to find someone whose life story can you connect with your own experience, especially if there are many people that you can make role models.
Neil deGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist famous scientist, opposed the traditional view of what makes a role model as someone that you desire. Instead, he suggested that you find out what has been done by these role models so that he can achieve what you desire. What books he read? Habits what he did? How could he be in the position you want? With these questions and seek answers, you can define its own way, instead of just plagiarizing others way.[14] Love yourself. You have to learn to love yourself before you are able to love others. Love to yourself does not mean selfish vain, but the love that makes you able to accept ourselves as we are. Love grows from within ourselves to develop all of the skills and values that really can shape you into the real you. Remind yourself that you are a good person loving and most of all, you are very precious. By being wise and good, you will be better able to accept and understand ourselves.
Try to record all your experience to put yourself in the position of a friend who is very compassionate and understanding, rather than from your own perspective. Several studies have shown that by taking the distance, you can process negative emotions, rather than ignore or suppress it. The ability to admit the feeling is an important aspect in love yourself. Often times, we behave much better to others than to ourselves. Accept yourself as you are accepting of others.[15] Let yourself experience a brief moment to love yourself throughout the day, especially when you have an unpleasant incident. For example, if you are too late to complete the task in the office, perhaps you will begin to assess themselves or face the panic attacks. Try to calm your mind so that you can be aware of the condition of the stress you are experiencing: "I was stressed at this time". After that, realize that everyone could experience this all the time: "It's not just me having this problem". Lastly, given a touch of loving yourself, for example by putting your hand on the chest saying positive things to yourself: "I can learn to be personally powerful. I could learn to be patient. I could learn to accept yourself ".[16] Do not criticize yourself. Try to appreciate the talent and the best of your ability, both physically and mentally. If you are always hostile to yourself, you will also be hostile to others.[17] Start record when you think negatively about yourself. Write down what the situation at the time, what you think, and what the result of your thoughts.
For example, at first you might start to make a note that read: "Did I go to the gym. Apparently, a lot of people slim down there and I started to feel fat. I was angry with myself and it felt so ashamed. Finally, I went home even though unfinished exercise ".
Next time, try to respond rationally to these thoughts. Initially it may be difficult, but you can change the way of thinking if you continue to resist mind saying negative things about themselves by thinking logically based on the facts correct.
For example, a rational response on that situation, for example: "I went to the gym to maintain health and my body shape. These actions good and I care about myself. Why should I be ashamed care about yourself? Body shape of each person is different and my figure is not the same with others. People who looks incredibly fit may have been training longer than me. They may also have good genes. If other people judge based on appearance, whether I have to respect their opinion? Or, I should appreciate the people who supported and encouraged me to care for myself? "[18] The habit of self-criticism usually appears in the form of "should", eg "I should have a luxury car" or "I should wear a certain size". We can not be happy and will feel embarrassed if always comparing myself to use other people's standards. Decide what you want for yourself and deny what other people are saying about "should" you.[19] Get to know your routine. Sometimes, we feel complacent with ourselves and our lives. A monotonous routine will only entangle us in a reactive behavior patterns or avoidance. Without you knowing it, appears habits and good behavior.[20] For example, if you feel offended by someone, maybe you will create a boundary to keep a distance from these people. These limits will protect you from being hurt again, but more importantly, you can not feel happiness and relationships with others.
By searching for a new routine, for example by participating in social activities or looking for new friends, you can find capabilities that have not been aware of. Additionally, you can also build relationships with others and discover new things about your emotions.[21] Looking for a way to eliminate bad habits will also direct you so that it can meet the people who were able to change your perspective on life. Research has shown that negative behavior, such as prejudice or fear, often arise because of the influence of the culture or the views of others.[22] In the end, you will know that you can learn from others and others can learn from you.
Try to control anger or envy. These emotions are a natural part of everyday life, but it is hard to feel happy if always angry or envious of others. You have to accept the behavior and wishes of others if it is to cultivate love for yourself and become the person you want.
Anger usually arises because we regard a thing should not happen to us, or if things were not going according to our wishes. You can deal with anger by developing the ability to appreciate that what you want does not always work the way you expect.[23] Direct your attention on the things you can not control and do not worry too much on what you can control. Remember that you can control your actions, not the result. You can feel more relaxed and not easily upset if things do not go well (which at times can happen) with a focus on action rather than trying to control as a result of which you can not control.[24] To forgive others. The ability to forgive others would be beneficial for physical health. Habits grudges and remembering past mistakes can raise blood pressure and accelerate the heart beats, while the ability to forgive can relieve stress.[25] Apart from the benefits, forgiving others may merupakah the hardest thing to do in our daily lives.[26] Think of the mistakes you want to forgive. Consider the thoughts that appear on the error. What are your feelings toward those who do wrong? What your body feel?
Reflecting on this experience through the eyes of learning. Do you get to choose a different way at the time? Are there other ways that can be done by this person? Are you able to learn from this experience? Your ability to transform painful experiences into a learning will help you relieve the pain.
Talk to this person. Do not blame others because he will feel attacked. Instead, use I statements to express your feelings and ask her to tell his feelings to you.[28] Respect peace over justice. One of the reasons that make it difficult to forgive is because of a sense of justice. The person who wronged you may never experience the consequences of his actions, but you yourself will lose if it continues to harbor anger and hurt. Forgiveness should not be dependent for some reason or specific results.[29] Remember that forgiveness is not free a person from the error. Error has occurred and you do not justify wrongdoing because forgiving. What you do is to take a load off because they do not want to save the anger in my heart.
Say thank you. Thanking is not just a feeling, but it requires an action. Habits are grateful will make you a more positive, happier, and healthier.[30] The attitude of grateful has been proven to help people cope with trauma, strengthen their relationships, and give love to others.[31] [32] [33]
Keep a journal to thank. Record the event that makes you want to thank. Perhaps through the small things, like a sunny morning or a cup of hot coffee. You could also grateful for the things that can not be measured, such as loved by a partner or friendship. By paying attention to the little things and record it, you can put this experience to keep recalled at a later date.[34] Enjoy the things that surprised. Unexpected events or surprising a stronger influence than the events of the day. It could be you're having a little surprise, for example: write down when your partner help with the dishes or when you receive a text message from a friend who is already a few months does not contact you.
Share your gratitude with others. Will more easily remember the positive things if you share it with others. Sharing habits will also make other people feel happy and want to thank you.[35] Encourage empathy. Man was created to establish social relationships with others around them.[36] From an early age, we learn how to "read" other people's behavior and imitate. We do this in order to be accepted by the neighborhood, to get what we want and need, and feel connected to other people.[37] However, empathy is more than just being able to understand the behavior and feel the emotions of others. Empathy requires the ability to imagine what it is like living the life of others, to think is to think of others, and to feel what others feel.[38] By developing the ability to empathize, you will be more sensitive to the feelings of others, be able to establish relationships with others, and more sociable. In addition, you are also able to treat others as you yourself would like to be treated.
Research has proven that by practicing meditation on love or meditation in order to be able to love will stimulate specific areas of the brain responsible for emotional activity. Meditation can also help reduce stress and make you feel more stable.[39] The practice of meditation to calm the mind also give the same effect, but less useful for developing empathy.[40] Research has shown that you can increase the ability to empathize with actively imagine what is being experienced by others.[41] Reading fiction can also develop your ability to understand the perspective of others.[42] Do not directly assess if you can. Research has shown that we normally would be less able to empathize with people who we think are responsible for their suffering, such people "to experience things that it is appropriate that they receive". Remember that you do not know what living conditions they experience or their past.[43] Look for people with different backgrounds. Research has proven that you're more likely to empathize when meeting with people with different cultures or beliefs.[44] The more you meet people with a mindset and a different behavior, the less likely you'll make a judgment or make unfounded prejudice.
Focus on people, not on the scene. We tend to be less grateful for the things that are not shaped material, for example, when we feel loved or accept favors. In fact, the struggle to get more material is usually a sign that you're trying to meet the need to get things that are more meaningful. [45] [46] [47]
Research has shown that materialistic people are usually less happy than their peers.[48] They are unhappy with their lives as a whole and more often experience negative emotions such as fear and sadness.[49] Make a habit of giving to others. Not everyone is able to contribute hundreds of millions of rupiah to favorite charities, but that does not mean you can not make a small contribution to people in need. Helping others is not only beneficial for the recipient, but also useful for you. Research has shown that people who are unselfish usually happier. They also even increased endorphins, known as the hormone that gives a sense of happiness by doing good for others.[50] Volunteer. Instead of spending the weekend watching TV, try volunteering in orphanages or nursing homes nearby. By serving others, you will feel more connected to them and become part of a community, so you do not feel excluded from society.[51] Give whatever good every day. Perhaps you could give a little help with an elderly bring groceries into her car or provide directions right to the person who was driving the car. The more you do this, you will be more aware of how good it feels to help others and in the end, you can overcome the desire to be selfish.
Research has shown that the principle of "do good selflessly" really applies. The act of helping others will be transmitted from one person to another person. Small actions you do with showing kindness and generosity can inspire others to do the same. This means, there will be other people who inspired and inspire others, and so on.[52] Notice how your behavior affects others. We could spend so much time just to pay attention to our own behavior so it does not have time to notice how the effect on others. It is caused by a psychological defense mechanism that we use to interact with others.[53] If anyone respond to you in the same way, perhaps you have a good habit. There is a possibility of your development is hampered by a self-defense mechanism for this use.
For example, consider how others respond to you. Are they irritable because of your speech? There is a possibility, not because others are too sensitive, but you yourself are already building a defense mechanism to offend others so you feel better. Try using another way of communicating with others so as not to cause the same painful response.
Observe the way you interact with others. Try to find a pattern and determine which pattern is good or bad. The more you are able to be flexible and adaptive in their behavior, you will be more in tune with the people around you.[54] Develop your talents. Everyone has a skill or interest that they know well and so they prefer. If you're not talented, you may not find it. Usually you have to strive so hard to try different things to find what works best for you.
People with the same properties will usually be interested in the same activities. For example, people who love the activity of adrenaline may not be interested in joining the group knitting quiet and mostly silent, but the people who like a quiet activity might be very interested in this group. You can find what you like to determine who the people that you like as friends get together.
Remain patient. Change can not happen in an instant, but it takes effort and time. Try to stop the persistent because old habits, make new friends, or doing new activities is not easy, especially if you are very busy.
Sign up for a course that you like, practicing a musical instrument, or exercising. Not only learning new things, you can also meet people who have the same interest in learning. Try to learn new things that can bring you out of your comfort zone in a way that is safe and beneficial.
Do what you love. No matter how much money you earn, you will not feel happy if a lifetime to do something you hate. While not everyone is lucky enough to find a job according hobby, try to make time to do things that can make you happy.
You will feel happier and satisfied with doing things that are meaningful to your life. Try doing creative activities, for example in the field of art or music so that you can express your feelings and thoughts in a way that is healthy and beneficial.[55] There is a myth that people who are successful usually only focused on specific objectives. They will not let anything stand in their goals, including providing time for yourself. Unfortunately, this way of life is very unhealthy. Try not to focus too much on one aspect of your life so forget develop other aspects.[56] If you are very unhappy at work, try to find out why. If you can, make changes so that your feelings change. If you are unhappy because jobs are not prospective or not aligned with your values, try to find another job.[57] Enjoy your life. Live life to maintain a balance between work and play. Your life can not grow and it will seem monotonous if it only focused on one particular activity. Humans have the ability to adapt very quickly to the positive events. Therefore, we could experience a desensitization to the positive experience, especially if this is all we have experienced.[58] Research has shown that when we are in a comfort zone, we will not be as productive as when outside the comfort zone.[59] Try to find new experiences and interactions with others, even though it felt a bit scary so much more you can achieve.
Our desire to avoid the discomfort and would not take offense could mean rejecting flexibility. However, research has proven that with increased vulnerability, including any possible errors will occur, it is important that you get to experience everything in life.[60] Start by practicing meditation to calm the mind. One goal of meditation is to make you more aware of the repetitive thought patterns that may hinder your ability to understand and accept yourself. Look for the nearest meditation classes or look for information on meditation techniques most suitable for you.
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